I feel like it's been forever since I last posted. So much has changed in my mind, going differently and just been on my mind.
I feel like I lost touch with those that were close to me. I sometimes feel as if they are there..but not like they used to be. I feel more closed like I dont share much w/ anyone because my trust and faith in them has changed.
I actually have sat back and watched people I love and wonder how they have made it this far- I see some of them being so self centered and wonder is that fair in this world? I know I personally am constantly always willing to lend a hand and helping others...even giving up my time, energy and mind--why cant I ever get that in return? But then again this is the world we are living in. that saying every man for himself is so true in this world we live in.
Other then that my brothers wedding has me putting everything on hold. Financially its taking up other expenses between (bachelorette and bridal shower)- but it's cool. I couldnt be happier being a part of this big day for my Brother and his future wife, my future sister in law. I guess I'm just different then most, my feelings are easily hurt and I guess one day I hope they care like I do. I did however give up on the helping portion just because I felt unappreciated and felt like I want to help but if they arent ready for it, let them do it their speed. I'm doing what my Maid of Honor title entails..the bridal shower (just got the invites to send out and they are so adorable), the bachelorette party (i got the van to pick us up..and the strippers for the party @ the bar) & being there the night before the wedding until the wedding is over. It's going to be a blast :) I cant wait!
I'm going back to school full time- some people dont understand the importance to that- when I finish in June- I'll have the degree i've been trying to get for 13 years. I've changed my major so many times and then in 2006 I found what I really wanted to do, but financially (because I dont get public assistance, financial aid, welfare or any of the sort) I couldnt go to school full time and work full time. However, when I did do both- I still got a 3.2 GPA. I laugh cause the lady who registered me looked at my transcript and said "You took Sociology & Psychology in the same semester" So i said yes i did..she laughed and said "No one does that and you got an A & a B that is great, you wont have ANY problems this semester being that you're not working."
That brings me to the next part, I miss working. Not that job in particular but the outside world. I'm kind of a hermit crab now, I stay home unless i'm running someone to the store or drs appointments. I need to find a part time job-just for my OWN money (i'm so used to having that) and to take up some of my time too. Eddie thinks because i'm going back to school full time I shouldnt because i need "study" time- well hello..i did it w/a full time job, why couldnt i do it now?
October will be here before I know it and I'm still unsure of my FET. I know I want to do it, I know I want a baby & I know I can go to school full time and be pregnant. My course load is hard but my schedule is easy. I have 2 online courses (Computer applications & some astronomy class), I have 1 Tuesday night class, 1 tue/thurs day class & I think a mon/ wed class- so it's easy to work with.
However, with this wedding and me not working-----who knows if October will ever happen.
I had 2 goals in life 1. To become a Mother & 2. To get my degree
I'm at least accomplishing one of them.........
In the meantime planning my next move with March of Dimes-next fundraiser etc, gotta keep busy at all times..when i'm not busy I have too much time to think.
Until next time.
I feel like I lost touch with those that were close to me. I sometimes feel as if they are there..but not like they used to be. I feel more closed like I dont share much w/ anyone because my trust and faith in them has changed.
I actually have sat back and watched people I love and wonder how they have made it this far- I see some of them being so self centered and wonder is that fair in this world? I know I personally am constantly always willing to lend a hand and helping others...even giving up my time, energy and mind--why cant I ever get that in return? But then again this is the world we are living in. that saying every man for himself is so true in this world we live in.
Other then that my brothers wedding has me putting everything on hold. Financially its taking up other expenses between (bachelorette and bridal shower)- but it's cool. I couldnt be happier being a part of this big day for my Brother and his future wife, my future sister in law. I guess I'm just different then most, my feelings are easily hurt and I guess one day I hope they care like I do. I did however give up on the helping portion just because I felt unappreciated and felt like I want to help but if they arent ready for it, let them do it their speed. I'm doing what my Maid of Honor title entails..the bridal shower (just got the invites to send out and they are so adorable), the bachelorette party (i got the van to pick us up..and the strippers for the party @ the bar) & being there the night before the wedding until the wedding is over. It's going to be a blast :) I cant wait!
I'm going back to school full time- some people dont understand the importance to that- when I finish in June- I'll have the degree i've been trying to get for 13 years. I've changed my major so many times and then in 2006 I found what I really wanted to do, but financially (because I dont get public assistance, financial aid, welfare or any of the sort) I couldnt go to school full time and work full time. However, when I did do both- I still got a 3.2 GPA. I laugh cause the lady who registered me looked at my transcript and said "You took Sociology & Psychology in the same semester" So i said yes i did..she laughed and said "No one does that and you got an A & a B that is great, you wont have ANY problems this semester being that you're not working."
That brings me to the next part, I miss working. Not that job in particular but the outside world. I'm kind of a hermit crab now, I stay home unless i'm running someone to the store or drs appointments. I need to find a part time job-just for my OWN money (i'm so used to having that) and to take up some of my time too. Eddie thinks because i'm going back to school full time I shouldnt because i need "study" time- well hello..i did it w/a full time job, why couldnt i do it now?
October will be here before I know it and I'm still unsure of my FET. I know I want to do it, I know I want a baby & I know I can go to school full time and be pregnant. My course load is hard but my schedule is easy. I have 2 online courses (Computer applications & some astronomy class), I have 1 Tuesday night class, 1 tue/thurs day class & I think a mon/ wed class- so it's easy to work with.
However, with this wedding and me not working-----who knows if October will ever happen.
I had 2 goals in life 1. To become a Mother & 2. To get my degree
I'm at least accomplishing one of them.........
In the meantime planning my next move with March of Dimes-next fundraiser etc, gotta keep busy at all times..when i'm not busy I have too much time to think.
Until next time.
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