Hump Day
So it's hump day--does anyone really HUMP ON HUMP DAY?? and why do they think it's such a big deal because it's the "MIDDLE" of the week? I rather Friday & Saturday--even NOT working..dont you??? That's the "sleep in day" -"family day" "Do nothing daY" RIGHT?
Ok so today has been silly....I got up to get Eddie off to work..then I went back to sleep (lately I feel depressed and all I want to do is sleep although i dont....sleep)I got up took Grandma to the doctors. Before I left-I emailed RMA because i was having a problem with my next cycle.
The day we went in to see what went wrong w/ our cycle. Finance told me that their funds were exhausted and unless NY gave more money before June- we wouldnt be able to do a fresh cycle or frozen cycle unless we pay out of pocket (YET AGAIN).
See I qualified for the grant. I have been doing treatments since 9/05- in which I have had 7-10 (i'm not even sure anymore) failed IUI's 1 cancelled IVF & 1 Failed IVF. I know some have much more then that--but inside it hurts to accept these facts.
My insurance paid for the IUI's..I had to pay the copays for the medicine. Which I didnt pay FULL price-but still it adds up. they had me on clomid for the first year or more...then I moved on to Injectables 1/07 I believe. That's when it went down hill.
So for this grant- I get 2 cycles-based on our income we have to pay a %. By the time we were done w/ fees.. we paid 5700. On their website-Estimated Cost for IVF Cycle $ 9,215.00 (1) . So i've paid more then half.
However it was supposed to be for 2.
So back to my day. I emailed her to see the status. I take grandma to the doctor and check my email and BOOM an email. She's sorry to inform me that there is no money and this year I will not be able to use the grant.
My world fell down....I quit my job (which is for more then just fertility but to take care of my family), we're not even prepared to pay for a treatment as of right now, and the 1 thing I want more then anything in the world is finito!
So of course I called Eddie cause I never know what to think or do anymore---he told me to relax & etc..and told me we'll do a FET while we wait for the funds which can be next year...cause they still owe me an IVF.
I guess it just kills me because here i am about to turn 31 & WTF....I told GOD I hated him today, which probably wasnt nice but somedays i just cant handle it. My dad being sick, me being infertile & everything falling apart all the time.
So I came home to relax..and dads registration on his car ran out 6 days ago--so I had to go to the DMV to fix that. Then I went to walmart--where mom bought me a new canon printer (that works wonderful) and i got ink for my epson (so i'm back up and running) & then I came home.
Somedays I feel like I should be doing something-but like mom says I am...sometimes I just feel unappreciated...and wonder why good things dont happen to me..I have friends (actually a lot of friends who are infertile and fertile) that are trying for their 2nd kids....damn I cant even have 1..it sucks.
SO happy EFFIN HUMP DAY! To me..its just another day!
Ok so today has been silly....I got up to get Eddie off to work..then I went back to sleep (lately I feel depressed and all I want to do is sleep although i dont....sleep)I got up took Grandma to the doctors. Before I left-I emailed RMA because i was having a problem with my next cycle.
The day we went in to see what went wrong w/ our cycle. Finance told me that their funds were exhausted and unless NY gave more money before June- we wouldnt be able to do a fresh cycle or frozen cycle unless we pay out of pocket (YET AGAIN).
See I qualified for the grant. I have been doing treatments since 9/05- in which I have had 7-10 (i'm not even sure anymore) failed IUI's 1 cancelled IVF & 1 Failed IVF. I know some have much more then that--but inside it hurts to accept these facts.
My insurance paid for the IUI's..I had to pay the copays for the medicine. Which I didnt pay FULL price-but still it adds up. they had me on clomid for the first year or more...then I moved on to Injectables 1/07 I believe. That's when it went down hill.
So for this grant- I get 2 cycles-based on our income we have to pay a %. By the time we were done w/ fees.. we paid 5700. On their website-Estimated Cost for IVF Cycle $ 9,215.00 (1) . So i've paid more then half.
However it was supposed to be for 2.
So back to my day. I emailed her to see the status. I take grandma to the doctor and check my email and BOOM an email. She's sorry to inform me that there is no money and this year I will not be able to use the grant.
My world fell down....I quit my job (which is for more then just fertility but to take care of my family), we're not even prepared to pay for a treatment as of right now, and the 1 thing I want more then anything in the world is finito!
So of course I called Eddie cause I never know what to think or do anymore---he told me to relax & etc..and told me we'll do a FET while we wait for the funds which can be next year...cause they still owe me an IVF.
I guess it just kills me because here i am about to turn 31 & WTF....I told GOD I hated him today, which probably wasnt nice but somedays i just cant handle it. My dad being sick, me being infertile & everything falling apart all the time.
So I came home to relax..and dads registration on his car ran out 6 days ago--so I had to go to the DMV to fix that. Then I went to walmart--where mom bought me a new canon printer (that works wonderful) and i got ink for my epson (so i'm back up and running) & then I came home.
Somedays I feel like I should be doing something-but like mom says I am...sometimes I just feel unappreciated...and wonder why good things dont happen to me..I have friends (actually a lot of friends who are infertile and fertile) that are trying for their 2nd kids....damn I cant even have 1..it sucks.
SO happy EFFIN HUMP DAY! To me..its just another day!
Comments